her vagine was all disorganized.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize