she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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