Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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