ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
