the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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