my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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