My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
