That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
