so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
