So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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