just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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