i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize
