my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
this boner is exhausting
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize