so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
