Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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