We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
