She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can't turn off my feet"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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