i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
