No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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