Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
