How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
