I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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