Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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