Sry I called you an 8
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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