and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
