so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize