Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
