I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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