Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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