is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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