I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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