it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
