the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
