it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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