My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
