it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize