I want to have your abortion
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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