Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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