somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
