dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Hippo gnu deer
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
