brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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