thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
