A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
