do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
