If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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