so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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