I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
