I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize