Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
