Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Randomize