Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
