If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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