I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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