I like my sex mixed with concussions.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
