She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
