At least make sure they are 18
Why
I don't think brook has ever known best
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
