I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
