I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize