ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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