Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
