is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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