Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
