I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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