GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
