Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
