Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
