You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
