I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
