I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
