So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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