took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
