i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
