How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
