We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
