So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
