ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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