thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
