I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize