The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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