you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
