I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Less talking, more tequila
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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