Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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