why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
