Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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