just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
