I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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