So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
