I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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