This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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