Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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