he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He kissed a someone with a penis
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
