that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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