I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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