I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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